Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Come on in and take your pants off
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
