first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
