you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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