So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
