My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
