She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
