I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
