So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
