Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
