accomplished twins. life is a go
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize