i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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