you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
