Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
