To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm too high and old for this...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
