I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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