Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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