Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
3pm strippers are depressing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
