just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
