i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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