At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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