is your mom at the bar?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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