I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
