Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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