Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
