Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
