Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
