my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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