bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
