Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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