I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
