just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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