first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
