dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
