Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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