I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
