She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
