Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
