I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize