what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
