I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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