I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
