epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
