Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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