it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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