mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
