So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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