We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
