would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I cut my penus on the lid.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
