Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
