Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
