I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
