Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
