I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
