Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
