i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
