how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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