Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize