So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
