What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
